


I'm sorry for being afraid

by Bluem_art



Series: New Richie [1]
Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Eddie Kaspbrak & Beverly Marsh Are Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Gay Richie Tozier, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jealous Eddie Kaspbrak, Jealousy, Kissing, Losers Club (IT) Friendship, M/M, Outing, Richie Tozier & Stanley Uris Are Best Friends, Richie Tozier is a Mess, Secret Relationship, Smut, Soft Richie Tozier, Summer Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:41:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21729958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluem_art/pseuds/Bluem_art
Summary: After what happens in the Aladdin, Connor Bowers feels guilty about what he did to Richie. A week later he is walking around the barrens and he finds the lonely boy full of bruises crying. He decides that it is a good moment to apologize.After the apology the boys start spending a lot of time together, always at the Quarry or the Barrens where they are safe from Henry's judgment.Just a summer love story where Eddie gets jealous once Bev and him accidentally found out.My tagging is a mess but not enough to stop me from posting.
Relationships: Connor Bowers/Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Series: New Richie [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1629460
Comments: 30
Kudos: 224





	1. Forgiving is good to the soul

Its 10 pm, a late hour to be out in the woods for any kid in Derry except for Connor who is used to lurking around till midnight only to find a new spot to watch the stars. This night is different than the others, while walking around he found himself behind a boy who was sitting in the grass bellow, the boy was hugging his legs tightly close to his chest, he can hear little sniffs coming from him, the boy hasn't realize that Connor is right behind them.

Connor is debating if he should come close to the boy and try to console him or if he should leave him alone. He wonders who is that boy? why is he there? why is he crying?

The sudden movement of the boy shakes Connor out his thoughts, with one hand the boy leaves his big bulky glasses on his side and then Connor really takes a look at the boy, the lanky figure, the black hair, the white as snow skin, the hawaiian t-shirt and it hits him, the boy standing there, crying, its none other than Richie Tozier, Richie the nice boy he met at the Aladdin, the same boy who because of his fear of henry he threw under the bus. 

Since the incident he is being dying trying to apologize to the boy, hopping he would understand why he did what he did so Connor could feel less guilty, and now, here he was, alone at dark. Before Connor could change his mind he convinces himself that this is his only chance..

"Richie..?"

In one fast movement the boy puts his glasses on his face, he stands up and turn around. Connor is surprise by the expression of pure fear that cover the boys face and he realises that Richie probably thinks about what happened, did the thought Connor was gonna hurt him? or that Henry was around? He couldn't know the reason of the intense fear but he felt sad, Richie was so nice that day and he betrayed him...

"Don't be scared of me please, i come here to apologize.... I am just as afraid of Henry as you are.... im sorry, what i did was not cool at all, i shouldn't have done that, i think you are such a nice guy and it's so unfair that you get pick at... and fuck.... i just made it a lot worse for you didnt I?....I'm sorry... I mean it" Connor realises he is rambling so he looks at the ground and takes a deep breath.

"If i could change what I did, I would.... sorry again"

Richie is shocked, he is suddenly angry, does this boy think and apology will change things? he is getting bullied to life about what happened. He is about to start shouting at the boy but one look at him and he notices the shame, the sadness lurking in his face, his eyes not leaving the ground, his body still, waiting for an answer from Richie, with that he realises that he understands,because at the end, we all do crazy things when we are afraid.... 

"I forgive you"

As soon as Richie said that he turned around and sat back down in the grass, he didn't expected a conversation with the boy so he made things easier by turning around and giving Connor a chance to leave at his own pace without being watched. Something that Richie didn't expect was for the boy to sit by his side, he expected even less to have a conversation with that boy that would last hours, but it did happened and Richie couldn't help but feel excited when the boy asked if he was going to be there in the barrens at the same time tomorrow. He knew he was playing with fire by spending time with Connor but he couldn't help but love hearing and looking at the charming boy.


	2. Detectives in charge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie and Bev want to know why is Richie so happy lately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry i took so long i am a mess, please coment what you are thinking about the story.

Bev POV 

It's been about a week... a week where she has noticed that Richie is constantly happy, she knows the difference between 'happy Richie' and 'I am the funny one Richie'. S he know theres is something happening with him but he is not sure what, the real test that put Beverly wondering of Richie was when he arrived Tuesday morning with a big smile to the clubhouse. Richie mentioned to beberly that their parent did not work on wednesdays and she this meant they would most likely get drunk.

Out of the losers, Beverly has always been the most aware of Richie's home situation. She is the only one that recognizes the flinches Richie gives when someone shouts of moves to fast when close to him, she is the only one that once is a while is able to see the subtle limp or the receding bruise. 

Beverly wants to be happy for Richie but... in all honesty... she is not.. she knows that this momentary intensive happiness he is having is probably not gonna last much, and she fears the day that happiness end. Maybe is she knew the source of the happiness, she could find a way to keep it, or control it for Richie to be okay if its suddenly gone.

She is aware things are not straightforward with Richie, when talking about serious topics its always a rodeo, Richie is the bull and Beverly just hopes she can hold long enough to get some information from Richie, usually she doesn't get much but one thing she has learned is that one good way to get some information out of him is by catching him by surprise, so after watching the blooming smile that tuesday morning she decides to make a move.

They are all spread around in the clubhouse when Beverly takes out a cigarette from her pocket and signals Richie to go out with her for a smoke(They are trying to be respectful about Eddie's disapproval of cigarettes so they have been smoking outside lately) without suspecting a thing Richie follows Beverly put of the clubhouse.

"..so...trashmouth.."

"The one and only" Richie smiles as he gestures to his body 

"What's got you so happy lately?" Beverly asks 

Richie takes second looking at Bev, she know he know she knows there's something going on and for both of them the rodeo just started, getting their cigarettes lighted they start, hopping being the winner.

"I am always happy, if you think this smile looks brighter than before you better thank puberty to making this handsome face even more irresistible" Richie winks at Bev.

Bev might as well consider herself a loser, she didn't got a hint where to take the conversation to know what he is hiding so she takes a while guess.

"Is there a girl you are not telling us about...?"

Bev is both so glad and so sad to be this observant, because even when Richie thinks she didn't noticed, she did, she couldn't help but be a little bit chook when the smile he was wearing fell for a millisecond of his face just to be replaced by one a little bit less real. What Bev doesnt know is the sadness that brought Richie being reminded that his secret nights where a secret because of his dirty unnatural nature.

"Come on... Bev, Do you even know me? You think this mouth of mine wouldn't brag out a lover of mine?" Richie wiggles his eyebrows 

"Okay, you are right, but then what are you hiding?"

Richie takes a last drag of his cigarettes before he stomps it in the ground and starts walking back to the clubhouse 

"Don't think to hard Molly Ringwald... you are gonna fry your brain..."

Bev just stands there for a while thinking, she comes to the conclusion that if someone knows what is happening with trashmouth is Eddie...

Eddie POV

Since he is 10 years old Eddie has grown accustomed to have riche over two or three nights a week, so when a whole week had passed and Richie hasn't knocked on his window he was feeling pretty weird. 

He would never tell Richie this but for the last three days he has been longing to see him outside his window. He was aware that his parents where usually neglectful towards him but he really can't tell what happens over the Tozier's house.... Although he does have his suspicions about a certain thing or two about how Richie's parent treat him he doesn't try to intrude Richie on explaining why he always came over to his house.

Eddie can see Richie has been different this week but he believes he is just feeling jealous.... wait no... why would he feel jealous? to Eddie it really didn't make sense this bitter feeling he was having because Richie haven't been spending time alone with him all week, and it a subtle way he felt Richie was avoiding him...

\---------------------------

Later the losers and are walking away from the clubhouse, ready to call it a day... we’ll most of them.

“Eddie!” Bev hook an arm around Eddie and she slowly pulled them to the back to the group.

“So.....do you know what’s up with Richie?”

Eddie is a little confused with the question, he thought he was the only one who notice Richie’s subtle change, he feels weird, he has starting feeling angry with Richie because he felt he has been acting weird around him. But he is not the only one to thinks there’s something’s up, they gotta help Richie if something is wrong... they can’t let something bad happen to him......

“He looks really happy” 

Eddie is shocked....”happy?” 

“Yeah, he looks as he was floating around in the sky all the time don’t you think” 

Richie is happier.... he is ignoring Eddie and he is happier...has Eddie been anoying Richie all along and now that they don’t hang out... Richie is better...

“Yeah, I mean he hasn’t come over all week” Eddie says not meeting Beverly’s eyes 

“Really? I would have expected that you had to do with his sudden intense happiness”

Eddie is.... confused? Why would Bev say something like that.... what could he have done to make Richie happy...

“No.... i had nothing to do with what’s happening...” Eddie is now walking with his gaze suck to the floor.

“Wanna find out?” Beverly says showing his elbow to Eddie.

Eddie is not sure what she means by that but he couldn’t help his curiosity.

“What do to have in mind Marsh?”

“Let’s follow Richie tonight, if he hasn’t come to your house.... where is he going?” 

Third person POV 

Eddie and Beverly are waiting outside the Tozier household, they have been waiting around forty minutes when Eddie starts to get anxious.

“Bev...she should leave...”

“WHAT?! Aren’t you curious?” 

Eddie was curious but not curious enough, he was quite busy being afraid that she would see Richie with a girl, he should be happy for him, but he can’t..... it means they won’t spend time together.... they won’t keep being them.... they couldn’t have a chance.... a chance? Eddie’s mind know what he is asking a chance for but yet he fools himself that he wants a chance for more adventure together.... as losers... as lov..... no... no... that’s not what Eddie meant...

“Maybe with are overthinking.... maybe Richie is just... happy... because we are there... i don’t know... he doesn’t have a big mystery behind his happiness....” 

As soon as Eddie finishes his sentence Richie gets out of the Tozier household, takes his back and start riding away,

Without a second thought Bev starts to follow, and even though Eddie thinks this is a bad idea he goes with Beverly, after riding for a while until Richie drops his bike and hides it in the bushes before going to the barrens, Bev and Eddie follow, hiding their back far away from Richie’s so he won’t find it in his way out, the follow for a while until they see Richie stop.

“What are you doing here?” Richie asks 

That’s when they realize there’s a boy seating over the edge of the cliff looking at the stars, the boy is not familiar to neither of them so they stand behind a tree curios of the interaction Richie is about to have with this boy.

“Oh, hi!” The boy seems happy to see Richie, Eddie asks to himself ‘was this planned?’ ‘ Do they know each other?’ It doesn’t take much to know the answer as the boy keeps talking.

“I manage to come here early tonight, you know that girl named Betty Rimpsom?” Richie nods “well, she agreed that if asked she will say we have been spending the afternoons together, as if we were like into each other.... so yeah, i have Henry off my back” 

Henry? Bowers? Eddie and Bev look at each other in shock, even more when Richie sits down to the boy, as if this was planned, as if it was not fucking weird that Richie was hanging out with someone related to bowers.


	3. Summer love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie and Connor have a conversation while being creepily stared by Bev and Eddie.

"That's nice!" Richie said "I was kinda worried you would get in trouble because of me..."

"Well, now you don't have to worry, we are off the hook"

Richie can’t help but think about the losers, Bev coment on his actitude and how it changed, has he not been cheery enough before? Or is it to much now? He has always tried to be his best for the losers and now with Connor maybe he can’t or maybe he is being paranoid.....he is both anxious and sad.

"Hmm.. things are never as simple as you wish...." Connor looks at Richie with expectant eyes and Richie gives in "...my friends have been asking whats up with me... and I guess i hadn't realized how I have been really enjoying your company... so it’s making me more cheery I guess..." Richie feels incredibly vulnerable so he turns his head around and looks deep into the sky.

"I have been really enjoying my time with you to....its funny... well, I find it funny...its weird, I-I... hope you don't make fun of me but I am already kind of sad this will end when school comes.. you know?" Connor start fidgeting his hands around.

Richie smiles and turns to Connor "I completely understand what you are saying....I mean, it's nice to have someone"

"Says the guy who has six best friends!"

Richie expression saddens and this doesn't goes unnoticed bt Connor "From what I have heard they love you very much... don't they?" Richie is really surprised by the question, he can help but give in a small smile "They do" Connor is curious, even though the smile seems genuine as the answer, Richie still seems sad though, he doesn't understand why but it won't hurt to ask..."Why do you say it so sadly?"

Richie chuckles "Its just... I haven't change for them.... I am the same old Richie 'the funny one' well more like the 'i make bad mom jokes guy' and... don't get me wrong, i love it, i love them, but sometimes... I'm just tired" 

"Then why do you do it?"Connor asks trying to understand..”why don’t you give yourself a break?”

Richie takes a minute to think and then just start laughing leaning back so he is resting on his elbows "Its automatic now... you would be surprised to see how my brain works, when you asked such a serious question I was searching for a way to lessen the tension...but it’s not about why I do it now, it’s why I stared...I guess? I don’t know really, I have been doing for really long now..”

Connor leans back resting himself on his elbows “How long?”

“Well, we were five when it started, my best friend...Eddie, well his father died, he was so sad... so I tried to make him happy, because when his father died he lost this chance of happiness and I tried to make up for his loss as much as I could, but then... all my friends when trough stuff, Stan’s father became the priest of the cynagoge and he started getting bullied extra and having fights with his dad, Bill’s brother died, so I had to do something for them” 

“And who does that for you?”

“Everyone...well to the extend that I let them..” 

“Hmm... for what i have gather you don’t let me help you much...why?” Connor asks sitting up from his resting position, Richie mirror Connor and they stay sitting side by side watching the stars” 

“They had everything to have a good happy life, I don’t mean they had the perfect life. But they had this nice chance at going trough life just happy, you know? And well... I didn’t had that chance....my parents have never made me feel...loved, my mother wanted a girl and my father wanted kids because that’s what society asked of him.... I didn’t have a real chance at happiness but, they gave it to me, I am in an eternal debt with them” 

———————  
Right now Bev and Eddie are both standing in shock, listening, Eddie has tears in his cheeks, he didn’t know all of this, he is Richie’s best friend, not Connor, why is he telling him all of this if he hadn’t even told Eddie. Bev has been staring at Eddie for the last part of the conversation, she knew once his father was mentioned Eddie could freak out, unable to cope with the information Richie is giving to a boy he meet a week ago. Bev isn’t processing the information that well either, she doesn’t understand why would Richie tell Connor but not her, she would understand....and that makes her realize that this is not a conversation for them, Richie has his own reason for keeping this to himself and they where there listening to all those things, they shouldn’t learn, not at least tonight, not this way, she didn’t knew where the conversation was going but she knew they shouldn’t be there to hear. If they were gonna know one day, it will be because Richie told them wanting them to know. Bev starts pulling at Eddie signaling them to go. Eddie turns his head to Bev and when he understands that she wants to leave he shakes his head, he wants to know more, he needs to know.... this stranger can’t be the only one to know Richie’s secrets, how is this dude supposed to help Richie? Eddie can help Richie...or at least try.

——————

“You don’t owe them anything, it’s nice that you want to give them happiness though. but maybe you should try being more honest with them for your own good” Connor slitely shoves Richie “they seem like nice people, they would understand” 

“Wait.... are you a shrink?” 

Both boys laugh and then fall into a comfortable silence. Richie strarts rubbing the back of his neck, he fell asleep in the hamock an his neck did not like that.

“Are you okay?” Connor asks 

“My neck is killing me” 

“Well.....resting your head in the ground will only make it worse.....” Connor pats his lap “if you need a pilllow I’m quite a comfortable one”

“It’s been a long time since someone offers me to rest in their lap, I must admit I am tempted.”

——  
Bev has given up in trying to make Eddie leave, she is watching them and.... wait... are they flirting? I mean the way they glance at each other.... Connor offering a chance so Richie gets close to him..... WAIT...is Richie gay? Is this why he won’t tell them? Are they not friends? Now Bev can’t help but want to find out.

————

“No one else is here, you don’t have a reason to be shy with me” Connor winks and Richie chuckles but obliges, he turns his body so he is completely rested on the floor with his head in Connor’s lap. 

“You should take those out” Connor reaches and pulls Richie’s glasses out of his face “don’t want them more crooked.”

Richie is blushing, he can feel his heart in his ears, he feels really vulnerable but also brave, he thinks this is terifing but he is not scared at all. 

“Well... now I can’t see you...”

“Oh, well.... I could always get closer” Connor starts leaning getting closer and closer to Richie so they are face to face 

“Is.....is that close enough?” In that moment Richie wishes he had his glasses, he swears he could see Connor eyes drifting to his lips momentarily....

————

Now Eddie is the one who thinks they should leave, he can’t breathe properly, he... what? Richie, his Richie, he is flirting with this random boy and how it looks like they are going to kiss, he can’t watch this, his heart might shatter, he can’t breathe. This time he is the one who pulls at Bev’s arm just to receive a ‘can’t you believe this’ look and a questioning glare, Bev wants to stay.... this is a joke, they never should have gone there.... this was a bad idea.... how is he supposed to look at Richie’s eyes tomorrow if he can’t take the image of Richie kissing this boy.

——————

“I....I.. I think our eyes could be touching and I still wouldn’t be able to see you...” both boys laugh. Connor leans back into a normal searing position and starts petting Richie’s hair. Richie closes his eyes and breathes, slow and steady, free of worry.

They stay there in a comfortable silence for a while. Connors hand slowly starts moving from Richie’s hair to his face, Connor strokes his fingers slowly looking at Richie’s fitures. Richie keeps his eyes closed and lets it happen, he just doesn’t let it happen, he deeply enjoys it, he wants more.

“I wish this summer would last forever....” Richie whispers 

“Wouldn’t that be wonderful?” Connor smiles, he can’t believe how this is happening, how he could see himself spending hours there with Richie, he doesn’t feel judged, he feels happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should they kiss? Should Bev and Eddie see it?


	4. Sweet reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some more stalking and talking is done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda of a short chapter, it’s just to finish the night

Richie sits up abruptly he covers his face with his hands, he is suddenly afraid that everything is in his head. He turns so he is face to face with Connor. 

“I am not imagining this.. right?” He moves his hand back and forth between them “I just don’t want to have the wrong idea” 

Connor smiles “I knew you where blind but I didn’t think you could be this dumb” 

Richie shoves Connor in the arm “hey! Fuck you, that’s mean..”

“Come in funny guy, humor me” Connor smirks and starts leaning closer an closer to Richie. Richie’s eyes open wide and his breaths start speeding “Can you do that?” Connor asks in the flirtiest way. 

Richie opens and closes his mouth a couple of times.He’s brain is on full lockdown, Connor is so close that if Richie leans just a little they would kiss. He has no idea what he could answer to Connor, he is not sure he even understood the question. 

“What? Cat got your tongue?” Connor leans even just a little bit closer. 

Richie nods, his eyes drift to look at Connor lips and Connor mirrors him. This is it, he is going to have his first kiss, he is not going to have to have his first kiss with a girl when specula pressure became too much, his heart beat started getting quiquer. The sunset is behind them, they are together, alone, Connor is a charming boy, he is going to have his first kiss, his mind is rambling and suddenly it comes to a stop. This is not what he thought his first kiss would be like.......because.... it’s not Eddie. 

Now Richie is conflicted, he always thought one day he would gather the courage to tell Eddie, but he is a fool, if he told Eddie why eeould it mean anything to him, why would Eddie want him.... this...Connor... it’s for the best, Connor will help him move on from Eddie, and if he gets hooked on Connor it doesn’t matter. It may break Richie’s heart but at least Connor’s love is misfortune, they don’t get to be together, but with Eddie, the love he has is unwanted, it’s the worst type of love. He would hate it if Eddie hated him if he ever found out but he would understand, his nature is discussing and should be kept locked away, but maybe he can be locked with Connor, maybe he doesn’t have to keep feeling this unforgiving loneliness that is slowly eating him alive... Richie leans, he is so close now.... he closes his eyes and prepares himself for this unknown freedom he is about to reach... 

—————  
Eddie can’t deal with this anymore, he has to get away, he doesn’t want to watch this, he starts walking backwards. He is ready to run, he wants to be home.... he takes to steps and them......  
————

*crunch* 

Both boys turn around, now there’s so much distance between them, they look around, they can’t see anyone.

————

Bev and Eddie where both panicking behind the bushes, the couldn’t even breathe, they didn’t want to make a single sound, Richie would be so mad if he knew to of his best friends where spying on him... hey stay there and hope he won’t see them, it’s getting dark so they have the odds on their favor. 

————-

Connor stands up “I think we should leave, it’s getting dark...” 

“Yeah... sure, will I see you tomorrow?” Richie stands up 

“No” 

Richie’s heart stops.his eyes open wide, he want to cry, he will, he can’t cry, not in front of Connor 

Connor realizes his mistake “no,no, no, I don’t mean it that way, tomorrow my uncle wants us home, is his free day, he wants to have family time... it’s weird, he is not that type of person but well, it doesn’t matter I would rather be here, sorry” 

“Don’t apologize, I get it, really, don’t worry” 

“Well I will see you Sunday....” Connor looks around, he checks in case anyone is there “.... I wish we could see each other in some place with a little more privacy” 

“Me too......wait! My parents are not going to be home, my father is going to some dentist convention for a week, you could come.... if you want to” Richie looks to the ground and shoves his hands in his pockets.

“I would love to... same time?” Connor asks 

“Sure, we could order some pizza and watch movies if you like” 

“Sound amazing” Connor starts walking away “it’s a date! See you around” Connor waves his hand before he turns around and leaves.

Richie is blushing, full on red face blush. He is alone, well he think he is... he decides to stay there, some little more. Connor is going to be in his house on Sunday, maybe he will get that kiss after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me how you feel about the story, I love reading the comments you leave ❤️


	5. Caged birds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sunday’ comes and Richie is ready for his date with Connor...

Sunday has arrived Richie is nervous about it. The Tozier household is the cleanest it’s been in years. There’s a lot of movies in the table, from horror to romance to comedy. Richie didn’t know what kind of movies Connor liked so he prepared a little bit of everything. 

——————

Eddie couldn’t believe Bev convinced him to thus, they are in their way to the Tozier house, they made this plan so they would be there when Connor arrived. Bev and him would arrive at 7:00 and they would ask Richie if he wanted to go to the new burger place around the corner. Bev knew that on Sundays that placed closed at 7 so she would ask Richie to go back to his and they would end up being back at 7:40. The perfect plan, they could ask Richie what’s up with him and Connor and not have him learn about their spying duties. 

And here he was, in front of Richie’s house at seven. He was nervous....well that’s until Bev knocked on the door only to see a confused Richie, but not regular Richie, this was ‘I am here to impress’ Richie. Now Eddie was mad, looking at Richie, at his freshly washed hair, at his favorite Hawaiian shirt, he got more mad smelling the light tint of his favorite cologne.... he got ready for this random dude...... why? Wtf, what made him so cool or important?... his thoughts where interrupted.....

————  
“Guys! What are you doing here?” You could here a slight undertone of panic in his voice 

“You haven’t been hanging with the losers that much this week... so we though we would surprise you... come on, let’s go to the new burger place around the block, it’s our treat” Bev winks, she is both nervous and exited about how tonight might turn out.

“Oh..... that’s so nice of you...but...I can’t, sorry...my...my parents aren’t home and I don’t think they would like it if I go out tonight..” Richie felt guilty about lying but this was so random, his mind was blank, he was happy that Bev and Eddie missed him? Wanted to hang out with him? He wasn’t sure what it was but he didn’t care but...”..wait, where are the other losers?”

——————-  
Bev and Eddie looked at each other 

‘FUCK’ 

How didn’t they thought of that? What’ could they say that made sense.... 

“Mike had farm chores!” Eddie said 

“Ben and Bill had each dinner with family” Bev complemented

“Stan’a father asked him to help around in the synagogue” 

They both looked at each other, they were proud, they just played their cards and their winning.....wait, Richie said no...

“When have you cared about what your parents think?” Eddie asks with a frown all over his face “you don’t want to hang out with us?” 

Change of plans....”it’s okay, if you don’t wanna go out, let’s have a sleepover.... your parents aren’t home so....no one could stop us..” Bev has a smirk in her face, by the way Richie is speechless she knows he doesn’t know what to say.

—————-

‘Fuck’ how is he supposed to tell his friends to go the fuck away without being rude or them suspecting something’s up.....   
“.......guys... I don’t know... hey! What if? Tomorrow we make an all day plan... go to the movies... go to the quarry... whatever you want” 

“Do you have something to do or someone to see you are hiding from us..?” Bev’s smile couldn’t be wider.

“No!... no, why would you say that?” 

“Well then I am not taking a no for an answer..” Bev pushes pass Richie and Eddie shyly follows.

Richie is so very fucked.... what is he supposed to do... 

He is going to have to tell Connor before he enters the house, he has to make sure he is the one that opens the door and when he does Bev and Eddie are not there. 

———-  
Eddie is very uncomfortable, he can see the anxiety Bev and his presence is causing on Richie... he wants to help, he sits on the cough, close to Richie... he knows Richie loves talking about movies and there’s a table full of movies in front of them.

“Tell me the weirdest fact about the movies in front of us” 

Richie turns to Eddie confused. A slight frown in his face is form 

“You always have found my movie facts stupid...” Richie looks over Eddies shoulder making sure Beverly is still in the kitchen “okay, what’s up?” 

“What you mean with what’s up?” Richie could heat the slight panic in Eddie’a voice... what is Eddie supposed to say, Richie knows something up but if he found out what he would freak out or get mad or get embarrassed.... 

“Come on you have been acting weird... you seemed so stressed, is there something you hiding spaghetti man?” 

“Ah..... it’s about your birthday.... please don’t ask anything more, I already said to much” 

Richie’s birthday is in three weeks, that’s a good excuse right...?

—————

Richie’s shoulders relax, they were being weird because they where hiding a surprise for him... ‘they don’t know your secret’ ‘they don’t know your secret’ ‘they don’t know your secret’... his breathes became calmer.

~~~~~~~~~~

Forty minutes have passed, the shunning is in the background but Richie is not purring attention, he has being impatiently waiting for the doorbell, Richie notice Eddie constantly glancing at him, he sees his pink cheeks and he feels trouble, what the fuck is happening ?! Is it really about his birthday or is Eddie.... 

*Ding* 

Richie jumps out of the couch.

“I’ll get that!” 

Richie get to the door opens it jumps out of the house and closes the door behind him.

“Hi...” Richie’s says and he can’t help the smile seeing Connor, he looks so really cute, he had a cute red plain shirt with a black jacket, his curled litely tammed with gel. 

“Hi....is everything okay?” 

Richie is taken back by the question until he realizes how weird must he look with his back against the door.

“Em.... yes and no... first you look really cute, second, two of my friends decided to invite themselves to my home so...” 

Before Richie can finish his sentence the door is opened behind him almost making him fall back.

“Who is he? Beverly asks, it’s food that Richie Is not looking at her because he would have hated the smug look on her face.

“A friend...” Richie says, a little panic in his voice.

Connor looks at him and smiles a little “My name is Connor”

“Well if you are Richie’s friend come in!” Bev says 

They both look at each other and smile but there is a little sadness in they eyes, they know that this and being in the barrens or the quarry would be the same.... they have to hide. They are used to it but if they are honest it’s heartbreaking to lose something you have been wanting for so long, the only thing keeping them smiling was that... there’s always another day, another plan they could make.


	6. Selfless ways of loving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The date is not going according to plan....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay just in case someone doesn’t get it or it’s not understandable:
> 
> ——- Means chance of persons POV   
> ~~~ Means that some considerable amount of time has passed unwritten about.

Connor is not a fan of scary movies so they ended up watching back to the future. Connor, Richie and Eddie are sitting on the couch. Beverly in the armchair. Richie is telling Connor all the facts he knows about the movie, all the curiosities that he can recall reading in magazines, the boy is amazed hearing everything Richie knows, he can’t take the smile and excitement of his face.... well at least when Bev or Eddie are not talking... if they are both Richie and him are reminded that this is not it... not what they planned nor what they wanted...

He wants to lean on Richie, to have him close. He had though about so many things he could say or do that could make Richie blush and now their date is most of things he wish he could do not memories of things he did... Richie has stopped talking for a little time now, Connor turns to look at him and he can’t help but feel sad.... no matter how much he wants, he can’t bring himself to hold Richie’s hand and it’s killing him, Richie is his chance to know a little about love before he id back to his hometown where there is no one who is like him... who understand him... who he could get close to. Richie and him have their time counted and here, now, he feels like they are wasting it. He wants to ask Richie’s friends to leave but he know Richie doesn’t want that, not because they like that they just crashed their date, but because it would be suspicious. If they told them they wanted to be alone it would put Richie in a position he is not comfortable with and Connor is not about to that to him...... 

~~~~~~~~~  
The movie ended.... Bev goes out to the graden to smoke and that’s when Eddie notices. There’s this taint sadness in both of the boys eyes, Eddie feels jealous, he wants to sit between them and ask Richie for him to be one who he wants to kiss... this days has been enough, going trough anger, denial, avoidance, sadness he has aceptes that he loves Richie.... he wants Richie to love him back. 

Suddenly Eddie wonders about love, why does it mean? Maybe Richie doesn’t love him in a romantic way but he sure does in a way that he has been there for all this years... 

Suddenly Eddie remembers being four and walking trough the park with his father, they had been eating one bar of chocolate between the two, but it was not an kind of chocolate, it was a fancy type, a specific bar that they only got to have one once a year because one of aunt would bring it to his father. He remembers his father his father offering the last piece, he remembers the little joy of that extra square he got that day. But what he remembers most is what happens next. 

“What wouldn’t I do for another bar of that chocolate..” his father said in a humerus but slightly serious voice 

Eddie is confused”... wait, I though you didn’t want more” 

“What makes you think that?” 

“Well... you offered me your last piece...” 

“Oh I did, but that was to maje you happy” 

“But I was already happy! You should have had the chocolate if you wanted it” Eddie pouted not understanding why his father would give up something when he wasn’t even asked to do so. 

“Oh kiddo” his father ran a hand trough Eddie’s curls “when you love someone, and I mean, truly love them. You do things that will make them happy even though they are not in your best interest. I knew you would love to have more chocolate so I gave you the piece because the idea of you being even just a little more happy made it worth it” 

Eddie could cry, well Eddie would be crying if he was alone, but he is not. He is being an intruder in Richie’s happiness. ‘This is so wrong’ Eddie thought to himself, maybe Richie and him couldn’t work out and that’s okay but what is not okay is selfishly staying there, keeping Richie’s happiness away from him....

“I am going to go check on Bev...” Eddie jumped out of the kitchen before he could get an answer and made his way to the garden. As soon as he shot the glass door behind him, he set his eyes on Beverly.

“We have to leave” Eddie said 

“What?! No, can’t you look at them? They look so cute together” 

Eddie’s face fell into a frown “Are you oblivious? Look at them, I mean truly look at them, they are sad, can’t you see? We ruined their date! And for what?... we can ask Richie later about Connor since we met him...” 

Bev doesn’t seem convinced, if Eddie didn’t knew her better he would have stoped talking thinking he proved his point.

“Coming here was childish... but staying is purely selfish. And I can’t, I won’t... if you don’t want to leave okay, but I won’t be part of this anymore” 

“Okay... lets go” Bev rolled her eyes before going inside. Eddie is not sure what excuse are they using to leave but he knows Bev will come up with something.


	7. The truth will set you free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie and Eddie both face their truths in their own way

They left, all of a sudden, with a bullshitty explanation. Well everything seems bullshitty to Richie’s anxiety right now, because it does makes sense that Eddie’s mom only let him out for dinner and it was getting late but what doesn’t made sense was the secret conversation him and Bev shared before leaving, it doesn’t make sense how uncomfortable and anxious Eddie looked when they left..... the only logical thing is that Eddie knows... and he told Bev. Eddie must hate him now....how is he supposed to live with that, anyone in the would could hate him and he couldn’t care but... Eddie, the losers. He is lost with out them.... are they gana tell the rest of the group? Is he gonna get shut out of the losers club? He can’t breathe... this is it.... he’s done for....

“Richie....are you okay?” 

Richie doesn’t even turn to Connor as he answers “...do you think they know?” His voice is merely a whisper but the question is so loud to him and Connor.

“I don’t know.... I’m sorry, so so sorry” 

“What?... no... don’t apologize.... I guess it was bound to happen one day. At least I’m not alone right now” his voice breaks as tears start to fall from his checks.

“Don’t cry Richie... come on, come here” Connor opens his arms and Richie get close and rests his head in Connor’s chest. And that’s when all those years of fear and loneliness seem so small. Everything changes all of a sudden. He is not crying because of fear anymore. He cries out of anger, all those years he convinced himself he was alone... and here he stands, hearing an agitated beating heart, a heart of a boy he likes, a boy that likes him back and understand the reasoning behind all of his secrets he has masked in jokes for years... Richie stays there is Connor’s chest for what it feels like forever. And with all honestly he wouldn’t mind if he was forever there, because right now... this boys arms feel like the home his parents never gave him, the hand petting his back feels like a door opening, a door he couldn’t bring himself to ask his friends to help him open. . . Maybe he could have asked Eddie, maybe with a chance to explain Eddie wouldn’t feel discussed by him.... 

Richie calms down and his mind is clear, he thinks about Eddie, about Connor, he thinks a little about the rest of the losers and he realizes... he is never honest, he is always wearing masks or saying half truths. He has always been afraid of the truth, he can trace it down to the day the world faggot became part of his vocabulary... but now, he wants to be honest, maybe it will hurt him now, but maybe tomorrow it will be easier to deal with... 

“Connor...?” 

“Are you better now..?” 

Richie lifts his head from Connor’s chest so he look at his eyes. 

“Can I be honest to you?” 

“Always” Connor smiles “anything you say, I promise I won’t get mad, I swear” 

“I like you, I think you are funny and cute, I am excited to have another date with you.... but before we could continue you have to know.... I... I... I am inlove with Eddie, he is my best friend... nothing could happen between us but the feeling is there, when you came... I tried to make you a replacement for what we couldn’t have but that’s not the case now, I want you. I still love him... I always will, but it would be nice to have a chance with you... but you have to know. And if you are not okay with what I just said , I understand... if you want...” 

Richie is cut off by Connor “Richie you are rambling...” 

“Sorry” 

“Don’t apologize.... I understand.... and if we are being honest... I have someone I am inlove too... Don’t worry about losing your chance with me...I get the feeling, this is a Summer love, a romance to test waters isn’t it?” 

“Yeah” 

Richie leans back to have his head in Connor’s chest. It’s nice, the air is clear, it’s now clear they both like each other but they are not going to be each other’s ‘first love’. 

————

Eddie has been crying in his bed for what feels like forever, he wants this forever to end. He wants to be in the quarry or in the barrens with the losers, he doesn’t want to be alone, not right now. It’s been a ruff couple of days form him. He has never been one to hide from the truth but he sure has been oblivious to it a lot of times. It took him years to see her mother was sick, not him. It took him months to realize Bill before Georgie’s death and Bill after are two different human beings, and the Bill he met as a child was not coming back.... now here he stands after years and years. 

What he feels for Richie is love, he sees everything different now, because Richie’s glances or delicate touches were not just them being them, he knows deep down Richie likes him.... or at least, liked him backstage some point, in some level, maybe Richie didn’t love him as he did but he was sure there was some kind of connection. 

He is not sure what to do with this information. When he is feeling confused he usually talks to Richie... so he does the next option he has... 

“Hi... Mrs.Denbrough can i talk with Bill?” 

“Sure honey, give me a second” 

“Hi E-Eddie, what’s u-up?” 

“Can I come over? I need to talk to someone..” 

“S-S-Sure...Eddie, is e-everything o-okay?” 

“I am afraid Bill, will you promise to be with me... no matter what.... I don’t want to be alone right now.....” 

“I will a-always be here” 

“Okay, I’m on my way” 

Eddie is walking to Bill’s house, he is not sure how is he gonna tell Bill without outing Richie. Standing in front of the Denbrough household he thinks back to when he was a child and he met Bill. They both have changed so much, Bill stutter is almost gone, it has reduced almost at the same rate of amount of pills Eddie takes on a daily base. 

Eddie knocks on the door, the moment he sees Bill opening it he jumps and hugs his best friend, hoping that by the end of the day his friend will still hug him back as eager as he is doing right now.


	8. We dance in pairs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being honest is hard, it’s all about being honest with the right people.

Eddie was sitting in the Denbrough’s living room , he should be nervous he really should be but he is not, he is a little anxious but not as much as he should..... well not as much as he used to...... he is used to feeling afraid so this peace is new. He wouldn’t want to end it by telling Bill but he knows he has this peace because he is about to tell Bill.

Bill seats down next to him and smiles, he won’t push Eddie . Eddie loves him for that. 

“Bill.... we have been friends for a long time...haven’t we?”

“Eddie y-you where my first tr-true friend and I am happy to still ha-have you around. So tell me, w-w-what’s going on?”

“Bill... there’s been something that.... has been there... kinda in the back of my mind, kinda not..... for years now I thunk I have waited for this moment....” 

“What it’s so important about his moment Eddie?” Bill says almost as a whisper, Eddie is proud Bill didn’t sputter once, he has to remind himself to tell him that later...

“I am not afraid anymore Bill....” Eddie smiles when he sees Bill getting a little closer, almost as if he was preparing to hug Eddie in case it’s needed. 

“Bill...... I.....” Eddie takes one last big breath “I am gay” Eddie didn’t realize he said in a whisper until he had finish setting, he has his eyes closed and he is about to open until he feels arms around him.... Bill is hugging him, tighter that he has ever. Eddie hugs back and he takes some time to realize he is crying. Slow tears go trough his checks.

“It’s o-okay Eddie, I’m h-here, not going anywhere...” 

After that they decide to watch a movie, they choose one they have already seen a thousand times. The movie is nothing more that background sound. They spend the time talking, That’s how Bill finds out of Eddie’s crush on Richie which if he is honest, it doesn’t surprise him at all, he finds out the thoughts keeping Eddie from telling the others losers, he finds out all the horrible things his mother has told Eddie about gays and how he is still unsure about the truth in some of those things she said.

———————————-

Richie is staring at Connor, he sea Connor’s eyes drift to his lips and he should be nervous... he really should but he is not. He is sure he is about to have his first kiss and if he is honest, any nerves he has are covered by excitement.

Richie takes one deep breath and leans in. Soon his lips are touching Connor’s. It’s a simple tender close mouthed kiss. 

Richie still has his eyes closed when tears run trough his face

“Richie...are you okay? “

Richie’s bottom lip trembles as he speaks “ I ha been afraid for so long, I have convinced myself that I am alone. It’s.... it’s just nice to have someone who understands.... it’s nice to have some new inspiration for hope, for happiness in my future. Maybe if I am more myself people won’t run away, maybe they’ll love me more....”   
Richie opens his eyes to find a little trail of tears in Connor’s cheek and smile plastered in that boys cute face. 

“I think I have an idea of what you mean. You give me hope too” 

“You said you had someone you loved too...tell about them...” 

That’s what they did for the rest of the day. Richie found about Adam, this boy from New York City that Connor meet some months ago, he learned that the reason Connor is this summer in Derry is because he is loving soon to the big city and his mother had to get everything ready. He explained he met Adam because months ago he went to check out his new house, Richie spend hours listening of all the things he liked about the boy and he keep repeating how nothing could happen between them.

Richie realizes that both have becomes each others confort, he dreads the day Connor will leave, he wonders if it would make a difference if he stayed. Maybe he would move on from Eddie, maybe he could experience love as he has craved for so long. But for now he is not going to long the loss that soon will come, he will enjoy this time while he has this pretty boy leaning in his shoulder chatting with him.


	9. The river will find a way to flow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie and Stan spend an afternoon together like they are used to but this time is different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized that i never mentioned that in the story they are all mostly 16 (I still don't know about when or how pennywise happened/ the "new" losers have known eachother 2 years)

Two weeks, two wonderful weeks, if Richie is honest he feels guilty that he doesn’t miss the losers much. he hasn’t been hanging around that much and well Eddie, Bev know why… Bill got and idea based on the fact that Eddie was jealous of someone spending time with Richie…. the rest of the losers are confused, a little bit worried of losing their good friend.

Stan has always been the smartest in the group and the closest to Richie. He is the most aware of how neglectful Richie’s parents are. So when he started to hang out less with them, he thought it had something to do with that. Maybe his mother stopped drinking and starting being nicer with Richie. Last week he saw Richie at a restaurant with his mom. 

But he found out the Tozier’s haven’t been at home for more than two weeks. Stan is not the type to push...but he is also curious so he will try to give Richie a chance to tell him without needing to push him.

“Tozier talking, who this?”

“Hi Richie, it’s Stan” 

“Oh, hi there old pal, what’s got you on my line?” 

“Are you busy today? We haven’t hang out just the two of us in a while” 

Richie was busy, he has plans with Connor but.... now that he thinks about it. Yeah, he has kinda neglected the losers to hang with Connor, and well Stan and him tent to spend time together alone and they haven’t in a while...

“I’m free, do you wanna go and watch some birds?” 

Stan can’t help but smile, he knows how boring it is for Richie to be with him while he checks for birds around but yeah, Richie is that kind of friend to offer something he doesn’t want to do only to make him happy.

“Thank you for the offer but no. Let’s do something you would like to do. You could come over, my parents will be out for dinner” 

“Sure, sounds nice Stan the man” 

Richie can’t just call Connor out of the blue without getting one of them in trouble, the good thing is that things have really being going great and they have been able to hang out of the woods or Richie’s house for a couple of times. Usually Betty and Greta will go with them and to the strangers eyes it would look like a double date.... and yes Greta.... who would believe that.... once he got to know Greta he realized. She is not a bitch, she is insecure and kinda lonely, she hangs out with the wrong people and she is really funny and quite smart. 

When Connor first told him he had made friends he wasn’t to surprised to find out about Betty, she is a nice person but Greta..... it took him some convincing to go out with them. 

He soon found out Betty knew Connor was gay and actively flirting with Richie... so she connected the dots, she helps them out if Bowers get suspicious and stuff. Richie likes her a lot.... if he is being honest Richie is not sure if Greta knows what’s going on but if she does she doesn’t seem to care... and if she doesn’t.... she really doesn’t seem to care. As long as she has fun company around she seems chill. 

~~~~~~

Two hours of video games and eating junk passed before Stan decides to try to make Richie spill the soup..

“You haven’t been around as much lately....” 

Guilt. that’s what Richie feels… he’s been talking with Connor almost every day for three weeks. He wants to tell them, he wants to talk to all the losers about his.. boyfriend? have they gotten to that point….? does it need to be classified…? well whatever. he hasn’t told Stan about any of it. Stan the one who he tells everything, its not that he doesn’t trust Eddie but he would hate to make him worry… and Bill… he would try to fix things when for Richie a lot of times in not about fixing something, it’s about accepting it.

Stan has always been the one he talks with when he can’t deal with things at home…. or with bowers… he should start telling him the good things too.

“Things chance” Richie smiles “The losers are still everything to me but i guess its nice to have something new…. you know… my mother has sopped drinking….she.. she is really trying…. she wants things to be better… we, we go out once a week for Dinner now, at least. I… I am really happy lately” 

“Well, if you are ditching us for spending time with your mother, i would be happy to spend little time with you”

Why you have to be so sweet Stan the man…Richie sighs “that’s… thats not it. I would hate to loose you, but I am going to tell you..” 

Stan could see how nervous Richie was, it was unlike him to be nervous when it was the two of them “Are yo selling drugs Richie?” sarcasm full in his tone “I don’t think even that would make me hate you?”

Richie knows Stan, he knows he would rather have a conversation free of jokes or sarcasm but he knew Richie needed a little relief…”You are a good friend” Richie looks down at his hands with are fidgeting with his shirt, he takes a deep breath “I am gay” Richie closes his eyes. He is truly expecting for a punch, neither physical o phycological. he thinks he is shaking a bit. he’s nerves only get worst when he is met with silence….fuck.. ‘Stan I don’t want to lose you’ becomes a mantra in Richies brain. 

The silence becomes too much, Richie opens his eyes to be meet with a look he hasn’t seen in Stan’s face before.. is looks like pity but not quite, looks sad but also happy. Richie tries to read the expression but he doesn’t get a chance because Stan jumps and hugs him. “Richie… this town really has you fooled, I don’t care, I love you no matter what… I don’t think none o the losers would care..” it takes a moment for Richie to realize he is crying.

“Stan… I have been afraid for so long….” a sob gets brought him and he can feel Stan hugging him tighter “there’s so many times Henry has beaten me because of it…. I was starting to think there’s something truly wrong with me….” 

“Oh, no. Richie….you are such a nice, kind person, there’s nothing wrong with you. Every day you amaze me more, no matter how bad things get for you, you keep tryin to be the best for your friends, for your mom…. Richie, god, how long have you been caring this?” Stan starts to rub Richie’s back, he is not expecting an answer, he is curious for one, but he won’t push, that’s not his stile, he is all about letting things flow how they are supposed to.


	10. A masked transparency

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan reconsiders who Richie is.... and he could help him..

The next day comes and Richie feels the warmth of the sun. Stan stayed over, they have plans to spend the day with the rest of the losers. They still don’t know what are they gonna do but they are gonna meet to go to the clubhouse.

Richie woke up some time ago and realising Stan was still in a deep sleep, he decided to cook some breakfast for both of them. His parents are supposed to arrive tonight. Richie knows tomorrow there will be no time for friends, his mother will most likely try to ‘make up for lost time’. For the first time in years he missed his parents(well his mother...). After years of not caring, of even not wanting to have his drunk mother around… at last he has her back, Sober and not neglectful... she still has her moments but he doesn’t mind. He can see how hard she tries but with a father that feeds toxic behavior is hard. Richie could talk with stan about this, because his fired knows that since Richie was around 10 his mother fell into alcoholism and he knows things are not good. If he is honest he wants nothing more but to tell stan about his mother. How as far as he knows he hasn’t had a drink in two months… this is not the first time she tries but he feels this time is different; he doesn’t know what changed but he doesn’t care.

“feed me”

“Good morning Stanley, Im good thanks for asking” 

“Im hungry and we should leave relatively soon…”

Richie starts serving the food falling quiet and Stan can read him as a book.

“Unless you want to tell them today, don’t get al angsty. I won’t say a thing”

“Thank you” Richie seats Stanley’s plate infant of him and turns around to serve himself some food “I don’t think I’m ready… if i tell them, I would have to tell them about Connor too, and I don’t know how they will feel about that part…”

“Well, I think they will trust you with your decision of giving love a shot with a boy that’s family with our main bully…. and I say it in a non sarcastically way….but… they would probably insist in meeting him. So… yeah…don’t know how you feel about that”

Richie sits in front of Stan with his plate overflowing with food “ I- if the secret got out… I’m afraid what could happen to Connor…” Richie looks down at his hands “Do you think my parents hate me?”

Stan stood still as a statue, not knowing what to do or say, knowing that the things he honestly thinks are not thoughts Richie needs.

“Stupid question! sorry, shouldn’t have asked… I…I don’t think is a question you know…” some wet chuckles leaves Richie’s mouth. “Well, just have to be careful… they never have to know.”

“Wouldn’t you want them to meet the person that one day you marry?”

Richie laughs, a genuine burst of laughter leaves his mouth and Stan feels quite uneasy.

“You think that I will ever get married? have a love story? come on Stan don’t be oblivious.. this is not the type of world that would let that happen…”

Stan takes a moment to think before answering… whatever he says to Richie it will carry big weight. its not about giving him empty hope, its about letting him know he has reasons to try… Stan thoughts got interrupted by the ringing of the phone.

“Tozier residence, Richie speaking…….oh. yeah Bill, we will be there in around 20 minutes… sure……bye”

It has always scared Stan being how good Richie is at putting on masks, making his smile look bright of his voice sound cheery, making is body look relaxed,,, when his mind is in the opposite side of the expectrum. He is afraid this masks are taking little pieces of Richie away, Stan feels helpless, not knowing what he could do to bring all he has already lost.

“We don’t have to go out with the losers if you are not feeling well”

“I am actually feeling better than i have in a long time…come on ” Richie claps his hands “Lets get going”

Stan stays still and hears Richie’s footsteps going up. What is he supposed to do to help his friend….he still doesn’t know a lot of what he has trapped in his head. He walks slowly, trying to ignore the unseat feeling that has stayed there with him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Richie is laughing… making his old trashmouth jokes, he acts like yesterday and this morning didn’t happen, as if he hadn’t told Stan he was struggling, it almost makes Stan mad…. how many times has Richie hidden himself form them…. he shouldn’t do that…. he should tell the losers, let them help him…. they should….

“Stan?” Beverly asks 

“Whats up?”

Beverly starts walking a bit slower, making them stay a little behind and far from the group. “Whats on your mind?”

“Why- what would you ask?

“Because f somethings up between you and Richie i would like to know”

“Why would there be something wrong with us?”

“You are creepily staring at him and at some moments you will frown. Stan if you keep thinking this hard you will explore…”

“Do you ever get afraid of Richie’s capacity of keeping secrets from us….I-… One day it may be to much to hide, he already is so tired…”

“I used to be worried, i never knew the extent of his ‘keeping appearances’ act… but lately he has been just a little more honest, more transparent… so I am not actually worried, I am kinda happy. I think he is changing in a good way…know what i mean?”

Stan sure understood but he wasn’t yet sure if he agreed… he wanted to but… things are never that easy… right?

Stan only answers with a smile… unsure.. but at least now he is hopeful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you like the more losers based chapters or you would like just dates with Connor..?


	11. Time as an enemy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story continues....  
> (I don't ever know what to write in summaries tbh)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Attention!!!
> 
> I want to keep the storyline in the 80's/90's because the homophobia makes more sense that way but like the movies and shows or music are up to date. hope you don't mind!

Its been a couple of days and its been impossible to meet up with Connor but today Richie’s parents are out al day and they were planning to take advantage of that.

Connor just arrived to Richies house and he is surprised to have learned that Connor loves musicals, he brought a backpack full of VHS of his favorite ones.

“Which one have you seen?” Connor asks as Richie lures in his backpack.

“Don’t kill me… I don’t think I have seen a single one of them…”

“WHAY?…. wait, you don’t like musicals? we can watch other thing… you love horror right?”

“I do love horror… but i like musicals too…. its just that… my father think watching musicals is more for girls… so when i was little i stopped watching them.”

“that makes like… cero sense”

“well, i think he said it not because he didn’t wanted me to watch them, he didn’t wanted me to sing them… I am good at memorizing lyrics and… I guess he deemed too feminine my singing and dancing convo”

“You sing?”

“I never said I was good”

“Sing to me”

“No”

“Come oh Richie” Connor whines and pout getting close to Richie.

“Are you trying to give me puppy eyes?”

“So….. which song will you sing for me?”

“ugh”

Connor smiles 

“What song you have in mind?”

“Anything would make me deeply happy…”

“Which one is your favorite music?”

“……Wicked… don’t change the subject, sing little bird”

“I was not changing the subject… I will learn a song for wicked for you then….. and… little bird? really? i am taller than you”

“it doesn’t sound as cute ‘sing big bird’” 

“True…well, shall we?” Richie pick uo the VHS with the Wicked cover and Connor smiles.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Richie really hates himself now, Connor and him have spend all the afternoon watching musicals and he could consider himself a musical whore. He is involve with them, he cant get enough, he is kind of mad at his dad… with that he wonders how much has his father taken away from him in the name of having a perfect strong boy as a son.

Right now Connor and Richie are cuddling in the couch, they have just finished watching the phantom of the opera.

“That one was weird, i liked it..”

“Do you wanna watch another one?” Connor asks, wide smile in his face.

“Okay… are you planning to finish everything in the back? because my eyes already dies a musical ago but its okay.. i still liked the music”

Connor laughs and lifts his head from Richies chest .

“Well what other thing could we do?” Connor smirks 

Richie starts leaning towards Connor, their faces only inches apart “I don’t know… anything in mind?”

“One thing” Connor says and then he closes the space between them in a kiss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

they have been making out for a while now when the phone rings

Richie groans as he gets up to answer

“Who is this?” Richie answers, voice a little annoyed.

“Woah, relax, why are you so grumpy? I am interrupting something?”

“Hi Bev, what’s up?”

“way to ignore my question… bit well, Tozier is time to pay your debt. I am bored and ready for a show”

Richie groans “Cant it be tomorrow?”

“Not, unless the reason you can’t is life or death matter, you can’t say no…. you agree don’t you remember…?”

and fuck does Richie remembers, he had been convinced to play truth or dare and he was told the more he only said dares the harder they would get. Around the middle of the game Bev told him that one random day in Summer she would call Richie at noon and tell him to jump to the Quarry with the clothes he is wearing and he couldn’t say no.

“Fuck you… okay, have you called any other of the losers?”

“I am planning on calling them after you”

“could you not… maybe call Eddie. I am hanging with Connor and well you guys already know him but not the others… “

“Oh, you’re hanging with Connor, what were you two doing?” he could feel her smirk…what..does.. does she know?

“we- we- we were just watching movies…”

“sure, well meet me and Eddie in 20 at the quarry”

before Richie could say anything she hangs up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They are walking around town, he didn’t explain a single thing to Connor, he brought him a change of clothes and he is hoping to convince him to jump with him.

It’s just about sunset, so it feels weird hanging out with Connor, they are used to being together outside only when its completely dark. Its nice, Richie has to admit that… although he wants to admit he wants to hold Connors hand or wrap a hand around his shoulders… but he is not free enough for that… the freedom he has now is enough though… he is happier than he has been in long.

they arrive, Bev and Eddie are already there.

“So… Connor, we are jumping off the Quarry”

“WHAT? no, I have never done that, I can’t”

“Theres always a first for everything”

Connor hesitates before he resigns “Fine”

Richie smiles 

“I have to do it with my clothing because of a dare, if you don’t want to get you clothes wet i get it and if you don’t want to be soaking wet when you get back to your house, i got a change of clothes for you”

“If you are doing it with clothes.. I am doing it with clothes”

“Perfect” Richie starts walking to the edge

“wow, it’s happening now?”

“Yep”

Connor gets close to the edge by Richie’s side “I am scared” 

“Don’t be” Bev says and they realize they didn’t even acknowledge there where people watching them.

“I don’t think i can do it”

Richie only offers his hand… as he has done a thousand times for Eddie… and Connor takes it… and they jump.

And they break water but Eddie is not paying attention… his heart was broken before they hit the water…. he did not felt jealous, he felt betrayed… but why would he be betrayed. is not like Richie and him are… together…. Richie is with Connor…. why was he not brave enough? maybe if he told him before… 

“Eddie?”

“Do you think Richie ever liked me?…There where moments when I could swear i could hear him thought his eyes….” Eddie looks down to the ground.. he is barely whispering “…I….I always told myself I was crazy.. I mean, ‘Richie is not gay, right?’ I thought and even if he was why would he like me… I told myself that all those times when it felt we were closer than friends…I always found something to excuse his tender actions. Maybe if I told him we could have had a chance…”

Beverly is shocked to say the least, he always thought there was something especial about them. She was sure Richie loved Eddie… but she didn’t think it was mutual, he thought Eddie got carried away with Richies actions and that he was oblivious to Richies feeling, he always hoped Richie wouldn’t end up too hurt when Eddie started dating.. she hadn’t thought about it the other way around.

“I think he-“

Bev is interrupted by Richie screaming 

”You happy?!”

“yeah!” Bev shouts 

and then Eddie and Bev just stay in silence listening to Connor laugh and splash water around… they look happy. Bev’s brain is shutting down, she can’t choose between being happy for Richie or sad for Eddie.. and honestly feeling both doesn’t feel like an option.

“I think he does-“

“It doesn’t matter thought”  
Eddie sniffs and cleans a tear from his face with the sleeve of his sweater 

“Eddie, come on, Richie-“

“Don’t- lets just see what happens next….. I am happy for him though… hope whatever it is that happens I hope he is not hurt”

Bev jus looks at Eddie and she understands, this is not a simple crush, Eddie must really love Richie to be selfless enough to want him happy even though it’s not with him….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments with your opinions! they really help me keep going <3


	12. The show will go on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> See you soon..

Hi, this is not a chapter. this story was to develop Richie for the next work that is part of this series and that has been the plan all along... honestly the last two or three chapters I have been hurrying myself to finish this story and I think is not good for the story, so I will stop writing this story to start the new one but the new story will have flashback that will tell you what happened here.

Sorry, I hope you understand and like the new storyline I will follow... I would appreciate if you told me what you think about my writing. I am still pretty new.


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